| I love watching parents and babies interact, especially | | | | Eye contact is an important element of parent child |
| the gazing that goes on between mother infant pairs. It | | | | bonding and the development of trust between parent |
| is like a secret, intimate language between lovers as | | | | and child: your face is the most potent visual stimulus |
| each looks at the other as though they are the most | | | | your baby encounters, and as you and your baby |
| wonderful person in the whole world. And this is | | | | gaze into each other's eyes, endorphin levels rise in |
| exactly how it feels when mother and baby are | | | | your baby's brain, producing feelings of joy. Your own |
| perfectly attuned to each other. | | | | endorphin levels will rise and, in turn, you and your baby |
| Sadly though, many parents and particularly mothers, | | | | become emotionally synchronized. |
| are being given advice that interrupts this exquisite | | | | According to Margot Sunderland, Director of Education |
| bond. I have had mothers call me knowing intuitively | | | | and Training for the Centre for Child Mental Health in |
| that something is amiss as they say, my baby won't | | | | London and author of The Science of Parenting |
| make eye contact. At first I was baffled the baby | | | | (Penguin), face to face conversations between you |
| concerned looked directly at me and smiled (so, | | | | and your baby and the subsequent release of optimal |
| thankfully, nothing was intrinsically wrong). I then | | | | hormonal levels into your child's brain will help develop |
| discovered that the mother had a normal drug-free | | | | pathways in your child's higher brain that encourage |
| birth and no separation afterwards, so bonding at birth | | | | social intelligence, the ability to form relationships. Ms |
| had been optimal mothers and babies are biologically, | | | | Sunderland says, the ability to light you up is the very |
| hormonally primed to fall in love after a natural birth. | | | | basis of your baby's sense of himself as lovely and |
| Apart from distress about her baby's lack of eye | | | | lovable. |
| contact, the mum wasn't exhibiting any symptoms of | | | | Fortunately, with a little time teaching these mothers to |
| chronic postnatal stress or depression. So what, I | | | | read and respond to their babies cues and, with |
| wondered, had happened to create a breakdown in | | | | interaction such as baby massage and games that |
| the connection between mother and child? | | | | involve face to face contact, they and their babies are |
| It turned out that this mother and others I have met | | | | soon engaging with each other again. So, please be |
| with a similar reaction from their babies since had been | | | | reassured, if you have been trying to follow a rigid |
| religiously following a very strict sleep training regime | | | | baby care plan but feel it is interrupting the bond |
| that advocated avoiding eye contact with her baby. | | | | between you and your child, it is never too late to |
| Although it is wise to keep bedtimes calm and gentle, | | | | make changes. Above all, you haven't irreparably |
| imagine how you would feel if your partner repeatedly | | | | damaged your relationship with your child, but please, |
| avoided your gaze. How do you feel when people | | | | look into your baby's eyes and say, I love you. And |
| avoid eye contact with you? | | | | wait for her to meet your gaze. |